Daddy is writing another little note for mommy since he forgot to show her how to get into the blog again...
Hey there little man -
I just wanted to send you a little note tonight to tell you a few things about mommies and their tears. You see Connor, mommies cry for all kinds of reasons but most of those reasons have to do with their little babies. Today you saw your mommy cry some and I am sure that scared you a little bit and mommy is sorry that it scared you. But remember this little man, every tear that fell from mommy's eyes today represented how much I love you. Those little drops weren't something to be scared of or sad about, they were little messages from me to you and each one said "I love you Connor, with all of my heart". And if you can remember that then you will one day know just how much mommies love their little boys and why when I see you, when I leave you, when I touch you, when I say your name, I have so much love in me that a little bit leaks out when I think about you.
Now you go get some rest and your mommy will too and tomorrow we can read some more of those books all your wonderful family members brought for us.
I love you little Tot, little Connor,
- Mommy
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Beautiful Boy...
Conor -
Today is wrapping up and here again I sit with my laptop across my legs and my heart in my throat. I am watching you sleep peacefully from across the room and I find myself humming a song I heard today. Today wasn't the first time I heard this song, but it was the first time I had heard it from this side of the crib walls. Thirty years ago, in a small house on the side of a road that no one knows, my father used to sneak away to my crib where he and I could be alone and he would sing to me. It wasn't twinkle, twinkle or star light, star bright, or any other traditional baby's lullaby, it was something special that my father shared with me in those quiet times and to this day it brings a tear to his eye to tell me about it.
"Close your eyes, have no fear, the monster's gone, he's on the run, and your daddy's here... beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy...." John Lennon's words whispering from my father's lips eased me to sleep thirty years ago just like they did for you this morning as he leaned over your crib. Your Pappaw brought that song for us today, so that I could sing his lullaby to you when we are alone like he did for me when I was his little baby boy. Before he passed that right on to me though, he took his turn and leaned into your crib to kiss your forehead and tell you he loves you before softly whispering those magical words as you slept.
Tonight I have been listening to that song and humming it to you while you sleep ever so softly wrapped in your blankets. I have been thinking about the day today and just watching you, basking in your calm. Today was another tough one son, more for your mommy and I than for you but I know that we would both prefer it that way every time if we have the choice.
Today you met a few new doctors and had some crazy tubes in your nose and your ears thanks to them. Then of course you got to see a few of your old buddies from cardiology and urology but they were just here to chat today so they didn't bother you nearly as much as usual. But when your arch enemy, the ultra sound machine, showed up you did get a little upset and do your best Chuck Norris impression to keep it away. That only lasted a minute though, we quickly went to playing "patty-cakes" (something I NEVER thought I would type in my life) and you calmed down and spent the rest of the exam looking around the room with those big blue eyes of yours.
After that Grandma and Grandpa showed up to take mommy home for the night and visit with their favorite grandson. Since today was apparently the day for grandfathers to melt our hearts your Grandpa decided to come over to your crib and play with you. It brought tears to your mommy's eyes and even choked up your Grandma I think. Grandpa was so content to just rub on you and tell you how good you look. You gave him a gift too.... you are the only one in the family who seems to really enjoy it when it plays with your feet, and I'm not sure there could be a greater gift to give your Grandpa.
Now I told you earlier that today was a tough day for your mommy and I, and I just want to tell you that it was tough only because we love you so much and we just want the world for you. As far as we are concerned you should just be crowned King of the World today. But since we didn't get to give that to you today we were a little sad. Its okay though, we still have tomorrow kiddo.... ;-)
I hope you enjoyed that song today as much as I did, both thirty years ago and today. I don't think I'll ever forget that song again, and I'm pretty sure that no matter how old you are I will always hear it when I see you. You are my "....beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy...." Connor, just like I was for your Pappaw, and because of your smiling face we can all three sing it together now. Thank you son, for yet another gift you have given us, you are truly amazing.
I love you Connor.
- Daddy
Today is wrapping up and here again I sit with my laptop across my legs and my heart in my throat. I am watching you sleep peacefully from across the room and I find myself humming a song I heard today. Today wasn't the first time I heard this song, but it was the first time I had heard it from this side of the crib walls. Thirty years ago, in a small house on the side of a road that no one knows, my father used to sneak away to my crib where he and I could be alone and he would sing to me. It wasn't twinkle, twinkle or star light, star bright, or any other traditional baby's lullaby, it was something special that my father shared with me in those quiet times and to this day it brings a tear to his eye to tell me about it.
"Close your eyes, have no fear, the monster's gone, he's on the run, and your daddy's here... beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy...." John Lennon's words whispering from my father's lips eased me to sleep thirty years ago just like they did for you this morning as he leaned over your crib. Your Pappaw brought that song for us today, so that I could sing his lullaby to you when we are alone like he did for me when I was his little baby boy. Before he passed that right on to me though, he took his turn and leaned into your crib to kiss your forehead and tell you he loves you before softly whispering those magical words as you slept.
Today you met a few new doctors and had some crazy tubes in your nose and your ears thanks to them. Then of course you got to see a few of your old buddies from cardiology and urology but they were just here to chat today so they didn't bother you nearly as much as usual. But when your arch enemy, the ultra sound machine, showed up you did get a little upset and do your best Chuck Norris impression to keep it away. That only lasted a minute though, we quickly went to playing "patty-cakes" (something I NEVER thought I would type in my life) and you calmed down and spent the rest of the exam looking around the room with those big blue eyes of yours.
After that Grandma and Grandpa showed up to take mommy home for the night and visit with their favorite grandson. Since today was apparently the day for grandfathers to melt our hearts your Grandpa decided to come over to your crib and play with you. It brought tears to your mommy's eyes and even choked up your Grandma I think. Grandpa was so content to just rub on you and tell you how good you look. You gave him a gift too.... you are the only one in the family who seems to really enjoy it when it plays with your feet, and I'm not sure there could be a greater gift to give your Grandpa.
Now I told you earlier that today was a tough day for your mommy and I, and I just want to tell you that it was tough only because we love you so much and we just want the world for you. As far as we are concerned you should just be crowned King of the World today. But since we didn't get to give that to you today we were a little sad. Its okay though, we still have tomorrow kiddo.... ;-)
I hope you enjoyed that song today as much as I did, both thirty years ago and today. I don't think I'll ever forget that song again, and I'm pretty sure that no matter how old you are I will always hear it when I see you. You are my "....beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy...." Connor, just like I was for your Pappaw, and because of your smiling face we can all three sing it together now. Thank you son, for yet another gift you have given us, you are truly amazing.
I love you Connor.
- Daddy
My hope...
Good Morning Little Buddy -
I just wanted to write you a quick note this morning and tell you just how impressed I am that you somehow fill me with hope and renewed strength every morning. After yesterday I was feeling a bit worn but with just one look at your beautiful little face this morning I found my strength renewed and my hope alive again. You sleep so peacefully and make the cutest faces when you dream and its those dreams and the faces they bring out in you that fill me with hope.
I can see you playing with toys or running around the house with Ollie and Lexi just giggling and I know that your mom and I can make it through today to get you to tomorrow. Thank you son, for everything you are already giving me.
Love you.
- Daddy
Love you.
- Daddy
Monday, October 1, 2012
Mommy's note...
Mommy asked me to write a little something for her since she was too worn our to get on the computer so here you go:
Hey there little Tot (that has been your name for the last 8 months you know) -
I hope you know just how much your mommy loves you and just how special you are to me in every possible way. I know I can't be with you all the time right now and I'm sorry for that. Trust me though, you are with me every second of every day, just like you have been for months now. I am working hard to get all healed up and healthy so I can come spend my days with you and daddy and we can walk down this path together as a family. It won't be long, I'll be ready soon. But until then I want you to know that you are my world and my life, you are the most beautiful thing I could have ever imagined and every time I look at you or even think of your perfect little face I well up with tears of joy. You are my little boy, my tot, and I thank God for getting you here to us.
I love you with all of my heart Connor.
- Mommy
Hey there little Tot (that has been your name for the last 8 months you know) -
I hope you know just how much your mommy loves you and just how special you are to me in every possible way. I know I can't be with you all the time right now and I'm sorry for that. Trust me though, you are with me every second of every day, just like you have been for months now. I am working hard to get all healed up and healthy so I can come spend my days with you and daddy and we can walk down this path together as a family. It won't be long, I'll be ready soon. But until then I want you to know that you are my world and my life, you are the most beautiful thing I could have ever imagined and every time I look at you or even think of your perfect little face I well up with tears of joy. You are my little boy, my tot, and I thank God for getting you here to us.
I love you with all of my heart Connor.
- Mommy
My little hero...
Connor -
Well son, today was a long one. It was the kind of day that every parent hopes they never have to sit though, the kind that makes your heart stop, your stomach turn, and your eyes ache with the tears that won't stop. But today was also a day that as a parent I can stand proudly and say that my son was the toughest person in the room all day long.
Today started nice and slow, you were sleeping so peacefully and kicking with the dreams bouncing around in your head, it was adorable. Around 6 this morning the doctors started showing up though, and they kept right on coming for more than 12 hours. First it was the fellow assigned to your case, he was helpful and courteous and all of those things that he should be and it was a good start to the day. After him it was the surgical team making their rounds and giving you a quick once over to check on things. You were still sleeping like a bump on a log, much like your exhausted Gigi. She has needed it though, she went though a lot to be here to see you and even more to make sure your daddy was able to sleep your first night here. We all owe her a big hug a million times over.
After Gigi woke up we had some breakfast and the doctors started rolling through. Next it was the cardiology team making rounds. They were thorough and encouraging but made sure that anyone and everyone who might be able to help out with an opinion on your situation would be coming to see you today.
Shortly after that your mommy showed up and let me tell you boy, there couldn't have been a happier person in the world to see you and those bright blue eyes of yours. Shortly after that the Urology team showed up and did some tests, then the Neurology team did some tests, then Neonatology showed up for a few tests, then the Genetics team took some measurements, then the Urology team came back to do a procedure (I'll get to that in a bit), then it was the Nephrology team with their tests, then you got an abdominal ultrasound, then the Neurology team came back with some thoughts, then it was an X-ray. I'm tired from just typing all of that so I'm sure you can imagine how you were feeling.
I will say, with all of that going on you still managed to be a trooper and barely whined or made a fuss at all, no matter what those doctors did you just scrunched your face a little and took it. Even when the Urologist came back and put that catheter in you toughed it out with barely a wimper (the whole time I was crossing my legs and trying not to pass out from imagining the pain you were feeling). It wasn't until the end of the day when we were trying our best to get you all situated for some rest that you had finally had enough and we could tell you were "done with everything to do with tests" as your aunt Beth my say. You were courageous though, quite the tough guy. You made your parents very proud again.
So tomorrow we will find out what all those doctors and all those tests have to say about you and how you are doing but for now Gigi and I are watching you sleep with the peace that comes from being exhausted. You know what though.... you aren't too tired to hold onto a finger or two though :)
Well son, today was a long one. It was the kind of day that every parent hopes they never have to sit though, the kind that makes your heart stop, your stomach turn, and your eyes ache with the tears that won't stop. But today was also a day that as a parent I can stand proudly and say that my son was the toughest person in the room all day long.
Today started nice and slow, you were sleeping so peacefully and kicking with the dreams bouncing around in your head, it was adorable. Around 6 this morning the doctors started showing up though, and they kept right on coming for more than 12 hours. First it was the fellow assigned to your case, he was helpful and courteous and all of those things that he should be and it was a good start to the day. After him it was the surgical team making their rounds and giving you a quick once over to check on things. You were still sleeping like a bump on a log, much like your exhausted Gigi. She has needed it though, she went though a lot to be here to see you and even more to make sure your daddy was able to sleep your first night here. We all owe her a big hug a million times over.
After Gigi woke up we had some breakfast and the doctors started rolling through. Next it was the cardiology team making rounds. They were thorough and encouraging but made sure that anyone and everyone who might be able to help out with an opinion on your situation would be coming to see you today.
Shortly after that your mommy showed up and let me tell you boy, there couldn't have been a happier person in the world to see you and those bright blue eyes of yours. Shortly after that the Urology team showed up and did some tests, then the Neurology team did some tests, then Neonatology showed up for a few tests, then the Genetics team took some measurements, then the Urology team came back to do a procedure (I'll get to that in a bit), then it was the Nephrology team with their tests, then you got an abdominal ultrasound, then the Neurology team came back with some thoughts, then it was an X-ray. I'm tired from just typing all of that so I'm sure you can imagine how you were feeling.
I will say, with all of that going on you still managed to be a trooper and barely whined or made a fuss at all, no matter what those doctors did you just scrunched your face a little and took it. Even when the Urologist came back and put that catheter in you toughed it out with barely a wimper (the whole time I was crossing my legs and trying not to pass out from imagining the pain you were feeling). It wasn't until the end of the day when we were trying our best to get you all situated for some rest that you had finally had enough and we could tell you were "done with everything to do with tests" as your aunt Beth my say. You were courageous though, quite the tough guy. You made your parents very proud again.
So tomorrow we will find out what all those doctors and all those tests have to say about you and how you are doing but for now Gigi and I are watching you sleep with the peace that comes from being exhausted. You know what though.... you aren't too tired to hold onto a finger or two though :)
Before I sign off here for the day I have to tell you a few things:
1) Your mommy and I LOVE you
2) Your grandparents LOVE you
3) People you don't even know yet LOVE you
4) You are making this world a better place every day you are here
5) You may have just made it up there with mommy at the top of my list of heroes
Connor, my dear boy, you and your courage are enough to write novels about, you are truly a hero to your daddy, I am so proud of you.
- Daddy
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