Hey there little man,
So it has been quite a day so far and its not even seven o'clock in the evening yet. As per usual you have decided that things will work your way and on your schedule, you have kept us on our toes, and you have made sure that every doctor in the cardiology unit stops in to say hello to you. Is this whole ordeal about you or what? If not then I think we need to discuss some parameters for the upcoming days/weeks/months. I'm just sayin....
I am sure you have heard me talk about it but your daddy is an energy trader. What is an energy trader? Well that is a fantastic question with a really long answer that starts with looking at weather maps and ends with looking at red and green numbers on a screen. There is plenty in between but for now we don't need to go into all those details and bore you to death. One of these days I'll show you the colorful maps and the crazy line graphs and the numbers, oh Billy the numbers, and we can talk about it as much as you can stand.
The important thing here is to know that daddy has a job that uses a vocabulary that doesn't make a lot of sense to the rest of the world. I use names like "Wylie Ridge" or "952 Rock" or "North Proctorville" and they mean something to a very select few people who also stare at computers like I do. I also say things like "I'm up for the month" or "that was quite a beating" and the meaning behind those phrases is NOTHING like you would expect it to be. People often times give me strange looks when I talk about work, but that could just be my hair so who knows.
Anyway, tying back into today. Today you pulled something that I will call "getting back to flat". When we got here all of the doctors told us that we would spend a lot of time taking steps forward and almost as much time taking steps backward. I know we have talked about this before so I'm sure you don't want me to go into that again, but today we kind of did that again.
You got that nasty breathing tube out yesterday and they put you in that crazy looking mask and then by midnight last night you were out of that thing and onto some regular nasal airflow. Well kind of regular, that is really just daddy's way of keeping it simple because I can neither remember nor spell some of the things they use around this joint. But you get the point, you were kicking butt again as usual. Then mommy and Grandma got to spend the whole morning with you, looking at that beautiful little face of yours. For the first time we all were enjoying those puffy cheeks and kind of puckered up lips.
Then you started having a little bit of trouble breathing and were breathing really fast. We didn't think too much of it because you were still very awake and VERY happy most of the time. But while your nurse was cleaning your I.V. line your alarms started to go bonkers and there were lights flashing and noises blaring. By the time I got up to see what was going on you had started to turn blue all over. My heart froze, my stomach climbed up into my throat, and I couldn't think for a second. As soon as I got my breath back I told the nurse to get the doctors and the rush started. It all happened in the blink of an eye.
The doctors came in, as you would have it, in crowds. They poured through the door and started taking blood samples and running numbers and giving you extra oxygen to make sure you got some of that color back. Thank God for them because they got you stable quickly and you were back to looking like yourself. Even though your color was better your doctor, Catherine, told mommy and daddy that we needed to be safe and put that tube back in to help you breathe. It would be better to be safe than sorry. Even though it shattered our hearts into a million pieces we knew she was right, and we would rather have you safe on that tube than risk something worse happening later.
You know what is next, you were there. The tube is back in now and you are resting again, breathing easily with a little help and building that strength back up so we can face another day tomorrow. And that is exactly what we are going to do, we are going to tackle tomorrow when it gets here and then the next day and then the day after that and before you know it you will be stronger and have some more practice under your belt and we will take that tube out again. The doctors said it may be a few days but we will try again and we will do even more to build you up and make you strong before we do.
Now today could be taken a lot of different ways, and there are even more ways to look at the events of today and draw meaning that really isn't there. So what I am going to tell you, and what I truly believe, is that we are back to flat. In my world of funny phrases and crazy graphs back to flat means we are just starting fresh and we didn't lose anything. It means we haven't gone backwards but just haven't made any progress despite some efforts to do so. So today, despite some valiant efforts on your part, we are back to flat. But you know what that means? That means tomorrow we start moving forward again, tomorrow we get above flat and we press on, that is what we do.
But for the time being you just lie back and rest, let the machine help your little lungs, let the nurses baby you, let daddy sing you a few songs, and rest some more. Sleep tight and dream some sweet dreams little man, dream of the days coming up when we are going to get to hold you and use that cool new cockpit your Grandpa put together for you, dream of our next battle with that tube and the way we are going to conquer it, because I know you can do it. If there is a little boy out there with the strength of will and heart to conquer this its you.
Your mommy and I sure do love you Connor, more than we can possibly put into words.
- Daddy
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