So just when mommy and daddy thought they had this place figured out and were past most of the "scary" days you decided to knock us right back into the reality of hospital life, especially in an ICU. Over the course of the last two weeks we have all been gearing up for the big day when your breathing tube was to make its final appearance and we have been inching closer and closer each day.
Last week, after that gunky stuff in your lungs was identified and cleared up, the notion that you would get your tube out this week was thrown out during rounds. Mommy and I heard this and did everything we could to make sure that our hearts didn't jump too quickly or too far because we have heard such things before. By no fault of the doctors, or you, the other times we have planned on losing the breathing tube haven't worked out for one way or another. One time it was your lungs being just a little too young. The next time it was fevers. The next time it was your impending nose surgery. The last time it was the bacterial infection they found in your lungs. So needless to say we weren't going to believe it until we were facing it.
Well the weekend came and went and you did great. Monday flew by with a few breathing trials and you made them look easy. Yesterday arrived and you surprised everyone by tackling a twelve hour trial and despite how big it looked in its pads you took it down. So here we sat this morning, waiting with bated breath for the doctors to come around and give us the "OK" to get rid of that tube. Then lunch time came and we still had no visit from the doctors (your mommy owes me lunch because of that one by the way). Then they finally stopped by and said the day was indeed here. The tube is going bye bye.
But of course that meant that we needed to get the approval of the ENT doctors. Next we had to get the right equipment in your room (yes unfortunately you have another machine in your room now). Then we had to decide which type of funky, completely uncomfortable space contraption to put you in to help you breathe. After that we had to wait for the doctors to be available to make sure things went the right way. And then, finally, after all the waiting and hoping and praying, we waited a little bit longer because someone coming right out of the OR needed the doctors' help. But we have been there so no worries on that part.
Right after that though, the large group of scrub-clad medical professionals hovered over you and began the somewhat long and tedious process of taking that tube out of your mouth. and chest. I think mommy knew what was coming but daddy had no idea and finally had to leave because you looked so upset about the whole ordeal. I have learned to tolerate a lot since we got here to Children's but when you get that upset and I can't even get close enough to touch you I still have some problems trying to deal with the situation. So after a short "ten deep breaths", and by adding in "short" there I actually mean it was more like two hundred deep breaths, I came back into the room to see the most exciting thing.
As much as I wish I could say I focused on the good part I have to admit that I found myself in a very dark place as I leaned over your bed with my hands holding you tightly while you shook with frustration. Your heart rate wasn't coming down and your respiration rate was actually higher than I had ever seen it. Believe it or not your daddy was pretty scared that the tube was going to go back in. Don't worry though, after a very quick and painless (the sarcasm is actually puddling around those nine words right now) TWO HOURS you had gotten enough medicine and enough coddling to calm you down.
Then Grandma showed up just in time to save mommy and daddy from going bananas. She was nice enough to sit with you while we went to get our first meal of the day (we were afraid to leave just in case we would miss the tube coming out. in retrospect that was a HORRIBLE decision but as they say hindsight is twenty-twenty). We went downstairs and raided the salad bar and the grill and sat down, intent upon enjoying the short reprieve from your room for the day and hoping beyond hope that the calm down time would restore some of the life to our nerves. So as timing would have it we were getting ready to take our first bites and our phones buzzed. "He's awake and he's unhappy" popped up on our screens and we let out a collective sigh of utter defeat.
We inhaled our food and hurried back up to your room and took turns patting your back until mommy had to pump and daddy had to step out to listen to the night rounds. And when I did you will not guess what I saw... your buddy Dr. Nelson. It was like a breath of fresh air hit my lungs and I was ready to fight another day. He talked with me and the nurse and decided you could have just a little more medicine to help you calm down and as always, he was right on. The medicine worked and you chilled out.
Mommy went to take a little nap and Grandma and I are here watching you in total amazement as always. You seem to be plodding your way down the path of improvement, albeit at your own pace and in your own way but down that path you go. Stubborn and strong willed just like your father, making the path adjust to you at times when you don't quite agree with where its going, you keep putting one foot in front of the other. Your mommy is always worried about you being scared, I happen to believe that at this point you are probably pretty fearless and are more upset because we won't leave you the bleep alone. :)
Now get some rest little man. Sweet dreams.
I love you Connor.
- Daddy
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